IM JUST FUCKING PISSED!!!!!
First off I have been trying (hence the word trying) to start and date and such....yeah yeah...blah blah. I went on this date..with a guy that I thought at first would be just another guy I would go on a date with and it would be boring. He was different. I really enjoyed his company and all that. So I really wanted to get to know him more. He pretty much was the nicest guy I have ever met. Seriously, he was a genuine guy that treated me like a princess. A week had gone by of seeing each other like every night and everything was great. I mean I hadn't been treated like a princess by a guy in what? FOREVER!!! I pretty much had to go through the shittiest relationship to figure out what is good in life...and then what do I go and do....I say I can't do this. I fuck everything that is good up...because why...well I can't handle someone telling me constantly that I'm beautiful and that I'm gorgous....and say sorry constantly for the littlest things. Because I'm not used to that...and that I'm FUCKED UP!! I'm just so angry right now about everything. How can someone so close to u at one point go and hurt you when you do everything in your power to make them happy. I guess when he hurt me....he totally fucked me up..seriously. I may look like it doesn't affect me...I put a good front that's for sure. But its there in me that I know the way I truely feel.
Tonight was the Vesper Firemens picnic. I was there, met up with some friends, talked with ppl i knew, and saw the nice guy there also. It was so hard to be there and see him...plus I know that he was getting wasted. He made everything uncomfortable...and I still want to be friends. Him and his friend were way gone....almost got into a fight...he may have gotten hurt and wanted to drive home. Luckily he had a good friend that would drive to two of them home. I was worried.
A part of me thinks that I have fucked it up breaking things off with him and the other part tells me that I'm not ready to be in anything serious right now. I truely don't know what the fuck I want. I just can't be happy, and that's just sad.
K
Hello Kelli
ReplyDeleteI know it feels to be greatly affected by a relationship, for better, and for worse. Sometimes it just takes a few duds to appreciate it when the great guys come along. But we're always going to be suspicious, even of the good guys, after someone we thought was good, thought was concerned with our happiness, has done so much wrong. You're not fucked up, just trying to protect you heart, and no one can blame you for that. It will get better, it just takes time.
thanks madeline
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