IM JUST FUCKING PISSED!!!!!
First off I have been trying (hence the word trying) to start and date and such....yeah yeah...blah blah. I went on this date..with a guy that I thought at first would be just another guy I would go on a date with and it would be boring. He was different. I really enjoyed his company and all that. So I really wanted to get to know him more. He pretty much was the nicest guy I have ever met. Seriously, he was a genuine guy that treated me like a princess. A week had gone by of seeing each other like every night and everything was great. I mean I hadn't been treated like a princess by a guy in what? FOREVER!!! I pretty much had to go through the shittiest relationship to figure out what is good in life...and then what do I go and do....I say I can't do this. I fuck everything that is good up...because why...well I can't handle someone telling me constantly that I'm beautiful and that I'm gorgous....and say sorry constantly for the littlest things. Because I'm not used to that...and that I'm FUCKED UP!! I'm just so angry right now about everything. How can someone so close to u at one point go and hurt you when you do everything in your power to make them happy. I guess when he hurt me....he totally fucked me up..seriously. I may look like it doesn't affect me...I put a good front that's for sure. But its there in me that I know the way I truely feel.
Tonight was the Vesper Firemens picnic. I was there, met up with some friends, talked with ppl i knew, and saw the nice guy there also. It was so hard to be there and see him...plus I know that he was getting wasted. He made everything uncomfortable...and I still want to be friends. Him and his friend were way gone....almost got into a fight...he may have gotten hurt and wanted to drive home. Luckily he had a good friend that would drive to two of them home. I was worried.
A part of me thinks that I have fucked it up breaking things off with him and the other part tells me that I'm not ready to be in anything serious right now. I truely don't know what the fuck I want. I just can't be happy, and that's just sad.
K
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Tattoo time and much more...
First off...
I would like to say that I love my tattoo. It is everything I thought it would be and more. The only bad thing is is that it hurt like a son of a nutcracker when I got it done. It took over 3 hrs to get the finished product. Lets just say it hurt so bad, and now it itches like a friggin skeeder bite and is startin to peel. The greatest thing also was that my mom was waiting for her first tattoo after mine was finished. We seriously were at the parlor for a good 9 hours. YUCK!
This tat doesnt make things easy to do either. Farming is a choir with a tattooed foot. The artists said that I shouldnt where anything on my foot for a good week or so. But its hard not to with me working on a farm. 2nd crop starts tomorrow by the way.
The fourth of july was an ok day. Went to heathers for food. Then found the zawislan family, whom are all wonderful people, and played a little bingo. Of course i didnt win. But I did make plans to go kayakin with Ben, Angel, and Jeremy. What do they do? they ditch at the last minute....it sure felt like a set up....But I cant complain at all....kayaking and the great company was a blast. Now that really made me want a kayak my self.
I also had a date Mon. I'm not goin into any details. It was a dinner and a movie...Public Enemies....real good by the way. I havent been on a real date in forever. But im still not sure if Im fully ready for dating yet........hummmmm that sure takes some time to think thats for sure.
Like I said 2nd crop is on this week...so pretty much good night!!!
K
I would like to say that I love my tattoo. It is everything I thought it would be and more. The only bad thing is is that it hurt like a son of a nutcracker when I got it done. It took over 3 hrs to get the finished product. Lets just say it hurt so bad, and now it itches like a friggin skeeder bite and is startin to peel. The greatest thing also was that my mom was waiting for her first tattoo after mine was finished. We seriously were at the parlor for a good 9 hours. YUCK!
This tat doesnt make things easy to do either. Farming is a choir with a tattooed foot. The artists said that I shouldnt where anything on my foot for a good week or so. But its hard not to with me working on a farm. 2nd crop starts tomorrow by the way.
The fourth of july was an ok day. Went to heathers for food. Then found the zawislan family, whom are all wonderful people, and played a little bingo. Of course i didnt win. But I did make plans to go kayakin with Ben, Angel, and Jeremy. What do they do? they ditch at the last minute....it sure felt like a set up....But I cant complain at all....kayaking and the great company was a blast. Now that really made me want a kayak my self.
I also had a date Mon. I'm not goin into any details. It was a dinner and a movie...Public Enemies....real good by the way. I havent been on a real date in forever. But im still not sure if Im fully ready for dating yet........hummmmm that sure takes some time to think thats for sure.
Like I said 2nd crop is on this week...so pretty much good night!!!
K
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